Radiation Will Be The Judge To Which You Will Testify

Posts tagged “sadness

Deficits

This path has become hinderance,
annoying in its futile persistence 
stomping ground, stomping ground
I am lost, maybe I don’t want to be found

An instinctual, innate rage believes its all my fault,
and it probably is…
only my perception of the illusion of reality
which has faded like an old textbook, forever forgotten in a field
which has, jaded me in a darkness that only begs for sunset
each voice attempts to drown out the silence and fails
if only because my brain refuses it passage

Every single thread of my genetic adventure is coming unravelled,
moving an inch seems too much travel
putting up with grinch just to experience the gallant
but her happiness was just a slick talent,
a sick talon slicing, skin torn
sick of the sounds, aural costs too priceless
when I first opened my mind, sin was born

And now it won’t close
And now they won’t stop
And now I won’t bear prose for naught

so caught, the sun god is so hot
wilting my skin as one of gods forgotten crops

lost with no one as savior

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A different form of acid reflux

Happiness dashed,
as these walls crumble
each flake of mortar fulfills function
slashing my carotid arteries
assaulting contentment

Formerly escaped..
..vaulted disorder
halted apprehensive infringement
desecrating perimeters
it smashed through and got the wound salted

The high swoon, hoping esteem dies soon
engaging my typhoon, a mind-storm
belied by a pride no longer in swine form
or is it? H1Nspun, viral mystics
surrounded in a theater of critics
fear hounds while jeers drown
tries to cheer
deaf to its sounds
stress pounds, cardiac absence
fleeting into safer corners
this party is wack, dashed hopes again in the labyrinth

Now it will not rest
flounder in lost threats
the Reserve where hidden costs are kept

Now driven by cold, the frost crept
word weapons, hostile tools accost in one breath
soon neurotransmitters blast hazards at the bureau of critters
thorough blizzard scorn
cannot heal blisters from the storm


Heartburn

When she finally decides to throw me against a putrid gutter
I will have reaped what has been coming for years
Never did I feel that it belonged, two different puzzle pieces,
one, with razor sharp edges, which intersected and interjected the other, round and dull

My point of view barely extends beyond this second,
infinitely immersed in the only present visible
and all I can see is myself
cowering in a dark corner, where light cannot shower its contempt

I dive into a pool of my own thoughts, as always
remembering this was meant to be
I never deserved half an hour, much less a year
and now my faith dangles from the edge
and now my hatred spills across the floor into its own pool
forming my being

Soon, possibly sooner, I will finally reach that point,
where I always belonged, how it was always supposed to happen
sitting, again, alone, raped by my own self-composed silence
saturation in tacit lonliness
vapid voids which escape this
screaming defiance of truth

How much longer will this decrepit charade remain,
ignoring her heart and soul,
trying to exterminate my own in the process
leaving us both shattered

then, will I know true pain


REM rebound

It happened as I walked across an unfamiliar neighborhood,
shrouded in a sense of mystery
unknowing what was around the corner, and she appeared

She was shorter, with dark  hair, and appeared to be chiseled from
diamonds
Her eyes spoke to me in glittering seduction
Her mouth shouted arrows that flowed through my inner being

She knew what I had been through, and didn’t care
She knew what I had seen, and asked me to keep looking

Her specter now haunts my brain,
facing me with a most impossible task,
to challenge it all
to spit in the face of,
whatever you call what happens around you

My grey matter boils under a heat only she can exude
she somehow reconfigured her neural pathways,
to set my mind on my fire
and terrorize my cardiac rhythm

Her affection has saturated my soul

How the fuck can unconscious vision so twist my belief
in everything

I am lost without whoever you are
And,
when I find you,
I will seize that, in one futile, fruitless attempt
to conclude the undefinable goal

Or just saturate my being in your aura , and disappear into tactile evaporation


recovery

My greatest failure,
allowing myself to give up controls,
but i’ve never liked carrie underwood,
jesus isn’t taking any wheels here,
but there is coersion he must quell
I gave up thoughts of fortitude and fervor,
released my freedoms into the love,
but now it feels stone, like gravel,
 what a wasted essence,
blinded, with my thumb out, begging anyone who crosses me,
to invite me along, for their travels,
at this point, the silence of myself is preferred,
like a disingenious game of “would you rather”
My mouth has lied, my eyes were always truthful,
and i can’t help but look away now,
 The dust particulates scrape against my retinas,
miscontrued as passion,
really the pain of hate,
Give me back peace,
Give me back freedom,
Allow me to sink back into my pillow of silence,
So I can run free, through the fields of corn,
no longer tragedy,
i refuse, anymore, to yield to your scorn,