Radiation Will Be The Judge To Which You Will Testify

Chemical Poetry

Distorted Torsion

What recourse remains,
for a lover, long forgotten
shadowed in the subterranean

And what meaning,
does this dream hold?
A woman opening her arms
shooting warmth from her genetic pillars of ecstasy
refuting my girlfriends hoarse screams of contempt
your insulting tongue can cut no longer

Two weeks ago, you hid a blade in plain sight,
and attempted to shred my confidence, ruthless and sour
But I know inside your ego’s devoured

So while waking, conscious life colors this world in sunlight,
I bide my time, for another chance at real affection
From strange women in strange dreams,
making my brain scream to escape you,
and your vile, acidic words

I am approaching break point, and she refuses to stop this onslaught

Before, it might have been,
but now it will never be bittersweet,
when i escape your shackles


Hatred from the Point of Conception

Detracting from all prior engagements,
forgetting all genetic strands connecting me to society,
would not bring this hatred to resolution

Defecation in desolation, this life
I pretend to lead,
but it leads me
The most disgusting illusion in this life,
is the illusion of choice
They said I could choose which way to proceed,
but each path is frought with greed
Each time I fight, I bleed,
Each time you’re right, you’re freed
While I sit here dealing with leftover deceit

No more do I wish to feel this anger, buried in layers of hatred,
cut off from outer reach
Sometimes I think
it grew from love,
Like mushrooms, growing on a field full of manure

And, like mushrooms, these dark feelings 
sprouted upward toward the sky
clouds gone, it has devoured my pride,
I am soured, devoid
Maybe still a coward,
but I would rather die than seek out power

And now, inside my chest
that sad, thumping instrument keeps its beat
knowing my defeat, glowing through stress
A sad person beneath my feet

And now my love hates me, for wrongs I have committed
like singing her songs, for me, each measure, energy is emitted
for her, each measure is drills to concrete floors,
nails to chalkboards,
She tried to coerce me, until I fell upon, her
false pretenses
Again I laugh at her wasted time, the stupidity of my choices,

But the laughs cannot outweigh the regret and remorse,
burned inside my matrix of biology

I never got what I wanted,
I don’t have what I want,
And I will never get what I want

And it goes so much beyond wants..

That which I need, has not always been provided,
My car was stolen at 16
My trust fund was stolen at 17
My childhood was stolen at 18
My patience continues to thieved
My hatred continues to be deceived, into thinking
that all this, was what I wanted

An empty pocket, an empty gas task, an empty head
A vapid, encapsulating wall of fear,
A neverending march toward oblivion,
A neverending, laborious canard
Stabbing me, every step of the way


Slip Away

As thick, viscous tar-black oil shoots from ocean floors
In the same way as the crust feels,
coupled with a broken blowout preventor,
I feel, something is slipping beyond my grasp

I walk this same path, along the same roads,
with the same tired face
in the same mired race
with flames extinguished before it eats the frame

And as I stroll this war-beaten walkway,
I ponder, who has accompanied on this journey

Who has witnessed my trials?
Who has remained, chained to my will, chaining my will
staying stagnant
in this weak, torrid existence

There is one that, through everything reality could throw
no matter how distraught arose,
you stayed at my side, never did your heart erode

Or has it?

That is the question I currently struggle with,
under my breath
For a time, you plundered my stress,
your thundering quest,
unhindered by blundering pests, except me

No more comedic can one action be,
than claiming to care most,
at the exact time, becoming so annoyed with their actions
it becomes the utmost hypocritical saturation, I laugh now

So comedic is it, not being able to read your favorite book to its conclusion,
or watching your vapid, morally-bereft cinema to the final, cliffhanging proposition
Have you wasted your time?

Again, this joke was always on you. Maybe the irony of it all is this:
You claim to love who you love
Your love claims to love you
Your love has become hate for the one you loved,
While your lover still, always loved you, AS YOU ARE

You could never extend that kind of invitation,
it would require you to jump outside of yourself,
and the socially constructed walls which have, forever trapped your mind
It would require you to swallow your indignance, along with your attitude
And we both know the impossibility of such an unknown gesture,
pure reciprocity


Letting Go

This constantly recurring dreamstate, I tire of its existence
After appearing for prime-time viewership,
Shining lights overhead, make-up artists zipping toward your face
Creating between you and I, an ever increasing distance

As if this wasn’t discussed, 5o times in the past,
As if I cared, where you play your games
Or into whose eyes you blindly stare

Just like when your shoulder turned for the final time
handing me a measly piece of paper,  pink slip disguised as a love letter
And walked away

Maybe this really has, eaten away at my soul,
torn at the fibers of my wavelength
attempting to change its frequency

That is why this must be done, that is why
thoughts of you are rusted, I bet you must be stunned,
I won’t cry if you don’t belie
the reason I wasn’t,
some sick game to save your pride

And now the finality of it all, bidding you one last farewell,
thinking back to the one second I held your hand, gazed into your eyes,
and those beautiful lies you told

Goodbye to you, blonde with the bright hair, and not-so-bright mental state
With the ancient father who fell down the stairs,
With the older mother who hated, when your religion was reduced
to laying with men, your body bare

You have lost any ability to seduce, you cannot even, invade my dreams
parade your body’s gleam,
wishing me to fall for your degraded schemes

My feeling for you has long since expired, and now
I willingly relinquish any future rights to that status,
Before I was so blind, to viewing the truth,
Thank heavens that I finally grasped reality’s meaning

My true love towers over you, surpasses your disgraceful abatement of feeling
Her keratin may not color like yours; all for the better
The aura shimmering from her has blinded me for seven years,
And I beg for more

The most self-respecting Woman I have ever come into contact with,
Does not fear light shining upon her face unhindered,
She does not cower from herself, like you
And up until now, she would never cross me
And even if she crossed me and walked out tomorrow, never
again to speak my name, never again to gaze into my heart,
I would have more respect for her

I have not deserved her, or happiness, and they both remain, fortified, entrenched
Never afraid to look truth in the face,
Spit at the fake
And walk away from your utter contempt

As far as I am concerned, you have lost, I have won
And as I let you go forever, accepting the past as nothing but
a movie reel, dusty and locked in a basement since the 20th century, forgotten,
irrelevant and useless
As my hand releases for eternity, your chances of existing in my reality,
I feel no pain, hate or sadness.
I am content, ecstatic and calm.

As my beautiful soulmate takes my palm, you can consider my heart….
….-Forever Gone-


Black Rain

Outside, in the splendor of nature,
A black rain falls
splattering crowds
shattering doubt
calming my will to run

When the rain falls, as it covers ground,
it covers my face,
dark rain shrouds me in secrecy
hiding my facial display,
even though its plain to see

When the black rain drops hit,
it will delay her realization,
that I am not worth her spit

Don’t you waste more hours,
mistake your hate for love and spring flowers
I won’t sing proud, this rain proves your flake
it proves my worth, or lack thereof

She waits around for me at a corner,
never knowing what folly awaits,
all that transpired,
mired and forgotten

Dare you to spit another insult,
cut into my vein like you wish you could
sometimes I wish you would
make that mistake

Giving us what we both want:
escapism, putting off the inevitable
warm friendly breath to protect from this downpour

But unlike you, this storm has been my home,
I refuse to leave it


Always Fishing

To those that are always fishing:
When does your fishing line run out?
When will your desperate schemes tire your arms,
and you drop the pole, and live out days as others do

Why must we all provide worms for your hooks, and fish to eat your worms,
and knives to clean your fish,
and fire to heat your cooking pots

Why cannot you go through a single day, without being absorbed
in yourself
This is not enough, you must take it further
You must push on and persevere,
not misconceptions or angered inflection,
its failure of acceptance you fear

Tiring those who surround you
A thousand anthologies could never expound,
the ridicule met with each waking sound

Always on the shore, fishing in light and in dark,
Never giving aquatic creatures in the sea, rest, reprieve
It is their peace you thieve


Travel Battles

Along this path, battles travel
wrath rattles, let fall the gavel
chest falls, staff afraid of errant disaster
subterranean plaster covers feral masters
as terror passes, scowls and glares from pastures
my mind so impaired they cannot modify my stature 
now is time to codify my capture
before all my sins mollify rapture
appalled tribes angry as i stall for time
you call it hesitation i call it crime 
miserable commiseration follows,
delirious nation thinks this call rings hollow
but if all this is mine, fists weapons and the divine
my mouth will lead to spitting truth on primetime 
enact devastation for small minds
exact pleasure awaits like slime on vines
evolution declines to daikons shrine
i might sing songs as a result of spite, 
dissent cake i took a bite hand slighted in blighted squalor 
man eat man as we fight over dollars
worthless paper like golfcourses swallowing every acre
my prides forsaken, left in a gutter to perish
melt like butter, make buttars stutter is what i cherish
step on my toes ill give your nose more holes
mere trolls, sleeping giants better consume your nodoz
or stay in the shackles


Visitation/Gift from beyond the Void

Last night, under cover of nightfall, induced by a spell of slumber,
An old friend appeared from beyond the void

His body covered in fur, different colors and patterns jump across each strand, bobcat in one stretch, siamese in another

Lying on a carpeted floor, slothlike-his favorite attribute, it was all I had ever asked from him before

After 6 hours, I still feel blessed by his prescence during the night,
when dreams span across subconscious plains
cannot always keep up with each changing frame
and while he’s been resting in peace, he holds no spite

I even saw him crack a smile, as he rolled onto his back, arched and begging for affection

I pray you see your dead friend in a dream sometime,
putting this gift of life into perspective,
while knowing they all await, shrouded in the void,
which only dreams illuminate,
even for a single, fleeting second

do not be a stranger….


Savior of All

When all things were created,
when unthinkably expansive universes of energy converged, exploding outward with devastating concussive force, it forgot to leave behind instructions
No one warned me to remain vigilant and on guard,
nor could I envisage montages of taunts, or faces so gaunt

Out of mist, was created a being so beautiful, truthful, youthful,
not even God can deny it
For this being is deserving of humanity’s worship,
a precious, bone and flesh gemstone, worth more than all the carbon in the galaxy
a carbon life form evolved beyond so many that remain,
stagnant and stuck in trenches

She doesn’t even ask for assistance, sane in her blissful stride
walking over all as she departs from my side,
though she knows the value of faith, and fails to divide like apartheide
when frozen water rains from the heavens, it imitates her skin,
snow white, gleaming and screaming for warmth

she pushes away black storms, her loss would cut worse than twelve thousand bull horns, ripping every organ internally in a blatant act of destruction, not to mention organs that keep beating

She forced me to slip and hold onto cliffs edge, I cannot let go
refuse to submit to any prides, rides, or fradulent diatribes
other favors once attempted to garner, now I laugh at how impossible it ever was,
to throw away what She has become:
Forever the owner
Forever a saint
Forever hers


Shining Strands

Girl with the shining strands,
brushing against my ego while comatose
saving my heart and dying hands
enslaving that spark and decrying my stance
holding me against you pining for parlance
this has been such a hard dance, until your hands wander
each second, deflecting a disjarred glance
time like sand slipping through hourglasses and powered fascists
turning me coward when i look beyond your eyelashes
my pride is captured, i want to take a ride on the adjacent sky
forsake lies and dissolve into your rapture
girl you could solve my stature, evolve the bastards
hugging walls like indignant plaster
the muscles in my ribs rip faster, pounding pounding
don’t know how long you’ll last,
girl with the shining strands
and eyes of blue glass
a pearl in a globe of swine, your every smile burns
concerned with only one emotion divine
you approached in stealth, but the grin gave you away,
I felt like a slave my hand why won’t you take
forever in my dreams, haunting me while I wear the screams
my patience worn thin from schemes,
girl with shining strands,
blind me once more,
take me through the threshhold and stroll  the corridor
I’ll forever extol your gloried lore 
just sore pleasure before my eyes re-open
Remembering all your words never spoken


Deficits

This path has become hinderance,
annoying in its futile persistence 
stomping ground, stomping ground
I am lost, maybe I don’t want to be found

An instinctual, innate rage believes its all my fault,
and it probably is…
only my perception of the illusion of reality
which has faded like an old textbook, forever forgotten in a field
which has, jaded me in a darkness that only begs for sunset
each voice attempts to drown out the silence and fails
if only because my brain refuses it passage

Every single thread of my genetic adventure is coming unravelled,
moving an inch seems too much travel
putting up with grinch just to experience the gallant
but her happiness was just a slick talent,
a sick talon slicing, skin torn
sick of the sounds, aural costs too priceless
when I first opened my mind, sin was born

And now it won’t close
And now they won’t stop
And now I won’t bear prose for naught

so caught, the sun god is so hot
wilting my skin as one of gods forgotten crops

lost with no one as savior


Sleeping in discarded cardboard

So tired, I need sleep
Mired in a race for fiat, roll tires, pay tax fees
too exhausted to work on tax free,
tax man demands cash from your hands to build bombs that
eventually drop on sand, kill with SAM’s in tehran
subtle hints, watching splattered plasma stain my television,
troubled, wince
we thought we discarded the troubled prince,
but all the trouble remained, his white collar shirt and flag lapels bloodstained
please flood me, rain,
escaping vapid pain, at a rapid rate, slugs rip frame
stealing my energy for the next battle,
all i want is sleep


A different form of acid reflux

Happiness dashed,
as these walls crumble
each flake of mortar fulfills function
slashing my carotid arteries
assaulting contentment

Formerly escaped..
..vaulted disorder
halted apprehensive infringement
desecrating perimeters
it smashed through and got the wound salted

The high swoon, hoping esteem dies soon
engaging my typhoon, a mind-storm
belied by a pride no longer in swine form
or is it? H1Nspun, viral mystics
surrounded in a theater of critics
fear hounds while jeers drown
tries to cheer
deaf to its sounds
stress pounds, cardiac absence
fleeting into safer corners
this party is wack, dashed hopes again in the labyrinth

Now it will not rest
flounder in lost threats
the Reserve where hidden costs are kept

Now driven by cold, the frost crept
word weapons, hostile tools accost in one breath
soon neurotransmitters blast hazards at the bureau of critters
thorough blizzard scorn
cannot heal blisters from the storm


Heartburn

When she finally decides to throw me against a putrid gutter
I will have reaped what has been coming for years
Never did I feel that it belonged, two different puzzle pieces,
one, with razor sharp edges, which intersected and interjected the other, round and dull

My point of view barely extends beyond this second,
infinitely immersed in the only present visible
and all I can see is myself
cowering in a dark corner, where light cannot shower its contempt

I dive into a pool of my own thoughts, as always
remembering this was meant to be
I never deserved half an hour, much less a year
and now my faith dangles from the edge
and now my hatred spills across the floor into its own pool
forming my being

Soon, possibly sooner, I will finally reach that point,
where I always belonged, how it was always supposed to happen
sitting, again, alone, raped by my own self-composed silence
saturation in tacit lonliness
vapid voids which escape this
screaming defiance of truth

How much longer will this decrepit charade remain,
ignoring her heart and soul,
trying to exterminate my own in the process
leaving us both shattered

then, will I know true pain


REM rebound

It happened as I walked across an unfamiliar neighborhood,
shrouded in a sense of mystery
unknowing what was around the corner, and she appeared

She was shorter, with dark  hair, and appeared to be chiseled from
diamonds
Her eyes spoke to me in glittering seduction
Her mouth shouted arrows that flowed through my inner being

She knew what I had been through, and didn’t care
She knew what I had seen, and asked me to keep looking

Her specter now haunts my brain,
facing me with a most impossible task,
to challenge it all
to spit in the face of,
whatever you call what happens around you

My grey matter boils under a heat only she can exude
she somehow reconfigured her neural pathways,
to set my mind on my fire
and terrorize my cardiac rhythm

Her affection has saturated my soul

How the fuck can unconscious vision so twist my belief
in everything

I am lost without whoever you are
And,
when I find you,
I will seize that, in one futile, fruitless attempt
to conclude the undefinable goal

Or just saturate my being in your aura , and disappear into tactile evaporation


French-kissing the Sky

One day last July I disgraced stagnant movements,
I ran full speed up the side of a mountain, fragments of rock resembled
sidewalks I glide; cracked, crumbling under external pressure
My sweat fell upon the dirt, the steep terrain choked with undergrowth
Showing the Mother Earth my infernal gesture
I take it all internally and sprint
exchanging all fate, hate, disparate states of relation
Reality check achieves chelation
Neglect breeds disease, but at this one moment,
I finally returned to her pasture

There I stood, taller than anything else in that valley
above all impatience and imbalance
soaring above that which plagues us all:
 lacking chance to see the world so clearly


Third Eye Declined

I am puzzled every day at the mendacity of status quo lifestyles
including my own

When faced with a choice, a dirt path in the woods, overwrought with undergrowth
which diverges into two completely separate paths,
one, encapsulating the current, destitute and failed incorporation of all that “reality” brings into your life

and the other path, which travels deeper into the forest of unknown,
a book with a thousand pages, all untouched by ink,
there lies the unbeaten path, at risk of disavowing every single piece of humanity, social stratification,

while a corporate dog eats all, the pattern’s amazing
back home,  they cling to it like an edge of the Grand Canyon
fingernail fractures soil, a last attempt at continuing this dance

storm forms
inflation captures, fiat enraptures
no patience left in depth,destroying the nexus of stress, bliss
how much can I, stress/this
brows are beaten, tear gas creeps through crowds/disperses the defeated
Escape to a search of beyond
beyond lies, cries, miserable subsistence colored ugly by lights neon
fright for eons

spite against dark, and all colors from there to white getting beyond
the last Act of this play,
where subtle apprehension dies

I never seem to coax my own courage from its slumber in caves
hiding under a box of lumber, 6 feet beneath the grave

Although so clearly I envision the mission
Envisage a reverence for nature, for our mother, for the atmosphere
Its so easy to escape it, I once saw a beaten pathway which curved up a mountain,
where I would build my encampment, sheltered from extremity
hiding from sweltering hegemony

There I would build a fire, and chop down a hundred trees,
erect palisade walls for protection, and fall back to ancestral speed
A human can survive in harsh wilderness owning little more than nothing
while here, having it all is never enough to thrive

When will I barricade myself out of a population of lost souls,
to discover my own?

How long must I be led astray from a path where the docent dwell
from a location of secret sanity, hidden in plain view

I always feel I am twelve steps behind progress,
twelve steps behind an infernal machine, tearing
limb from limb on a march for segregated happiness,
and false hope, while
only twelve miles away, sanctuary stagnates, awaiting my return

Why does fighting daily for survival appear such a liberty-stricken dream
while enough amenities to please royalty exist now,
to satiate the most greed-driven fiend


Self-deprication/degradation

Someone said I forgot how to communicate
as I sit ruminating past folly,
So much was within my grasp,
until a sullen iceberg struck my bow
forcing repudiation

Filthy masses of parasitical depravity
claw at walls and wail at countertops
rain and munitions fall from gravity
teasing what life remains, below
they bellow, smash to dust all fellows,
unlucky enough to reap their crops

Humanity becomes dandruff,
flaking off, splintering at every crevice,
forgetting its lessons, buried in an abyss of genetic material
masterful artisians, suffering lesions while they
glisten under the Sun God’s shine
choosing to shirk its mystical fervor
trading wisdom for pistols,
remaining knaves, slaves, dwelling in caves
failing to reach the kingdom,
bodies slain, I still can’t refrain, escape pain,
a gaped-brain
lacking omniprescence
freight trains,
stacking the next minority sect, into a new residence


Randomized Curtailment of Will and Fortitude

encore
thinking of blonde doors
standing ajar and whispering furtively
perspiration glistens from the frame which encases it

I gave away my attention span to a passerby
lending them the wealth of my, interdimensional deficit disorder

My words cut into my skin like a butcher knife,
exacting its revenge on a slaughtered mammal
attempting to paint meaning onto my life

I watch the strife of beggars
forgotten, destitute in a gutter
daydreaming of a no-cover triple keggar
poverty’s song is a butterfly’s wings that flutter

She looks into my eyes, I stutter
she disembarks from atop her heightened stature,
riding on a stallion of worth, cursing my rapscallion birth
no chance, the words hide for fear of dejection
sharp exhales I can only mutter

Like a fork cutting through butter,
my arms extend outward to attain,
the keys to this game’s basement,

so that i may plunder its knowledge and wealth
her heart took me forever asunder
thunder booms in the distance
screaming at me to stay off the shelf


War Haiku #93

Thirsting for valor
Hungry and tepid soldiers
guns burst, skin pallor


War Haiku #649

build perimeters
chain off all the entrances
and prepare for death


War Haiku #16

bodies line deserts
saturating sandy soil
war whats it good for?


War Haiku #4011

Shrapnel tears his skin
Crushing cutaneous shells
tears raining back home

War Haiku #255
Appendages break
Plasma splashes on pavement
freedom forsaken

War Haiku#945
Desert sands grip hands
and rip technology’s greed
right from underneath


Optic Nerve

Salesmen
Sales, Men
To them, Sales/men
Sales=Spend
Stale Scent
Hellbent
Impale,
Debt-to-income ratio Dent
Sins Fail,
No Grin
Haggling Skill not Frail
Not Opulent
No convents salivating
Over what I spent
How Dishonest
No bow, Salute
Cheap handshake
Words are sour
Fist Promise
Betraying
Non-verbal glower
Fascists Islamic
Breeding fear, intervention
Compassionately comic
Harassing
Disease Tonics
Ignorant  prima donna’s
Laughing as dance floor skeeve’s vomit
she must have had like six drinks
in a two-hour span
no water in between
don’t know what is this trick thinks
Doing her best
impression of glamor
Drinking AMF’s
Vision fucked up,
No stairs in this club
Stumbling around still and stammer
No affairs, or rotating ex-subs,
though weakness for women with fair hair,
Stares  still into the face of Hammer
Displacing shadows
Adjusting its’ contrast
Watching disgraced executives get tax bomb-blasted
Nationalization as an only choice?
Deaf from an earsplitting scream of greed
Inflationary economic stress
Fed Reserve heating up the presses, I smell Heist
Deficits spiked, few banks blessed
bailouts, TARP, turned out a losing roll on the dice
Climbing out of an impossible chasm
All the fat cats want their slice