Radiation Will Be The Judge To Which You Will Testify

Status in Decline

As I watch my status unravel,
tension twisting every fiber into a hundred different directions,
I wonder if I will ever comprehend the meaning of it all
I sit here in another bout of self composed silence, wondering if music will ever color this colorless canvas
Wondering if my actions are fallacious attempts at logic
Or seminal fits of insanity
I think back to how stupid I’ve been, not to gather and protect that which now is unobtainable
And then by some chance of luck,
A hand somewhere in the blackness of the universe
Has extended their hand outward
Not ever asking for even a breath in return for what they have done
How can I ever thank these nameless, faceless people for the gift they have bestowed
And not just to me. But to lonely drifters who seek out hope loyalty and love, in curtains of ash, in abandon buildings which echo at your footsteps
How can I thank those who never asked for gratitude
And how can I perchance, come across this one last loose end which constantly haunts and taunts me, my love of folly, falling to the folly of love
I am blinded by fantastical ideas of shining hair sirens whispering the songs I wish to hear,
When I know, the second I turn toward them, they vanish
And the one I now am willing to turn toward eternally, turns from me
She doesn’t know how much my jealous and daring soul wishes to be thrown to she wolves in whores clothing,
Animalistic heathens who reflect what is within my darkest hour
She won’t realize where my loyalties reside
She couldn’t comprehend my exactitude of nonconformity
She can’t cope with my loss of ridicule
To these pages I am nothing but an open book, laughs echoing again against the abandon walls of abandon buildings
A shadowed corner of inhumanity
Unveiled for all to surveil
No one, maybe not even I
Will ever know what that path leads to
But as I inch closer to the edge of the water
I hear its sounds rushing against the sheer crushing force of indecision and unknown probabilities
Will another hold me as close as her
Will another love me as she claims
Will another eight years be eaten in a constant fruitless search for a tree bearing fruit
Trying to find a mate, daring enough to sample its offering

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